Alzheimer's Acceptance

My sister has Alzheimer's. Her personality has changed over the last five years but she still has a wonderful sense of humor. My sister and her husband live in another state so it had been five months since I had seen her last and at that time she could sit on a chair and walk a little. She could still feed herself and she sat at the dinner table and she could watch television but she spoke very little. I was surprised this time to find her more talkative and, although bedridden, she seemed more mentally alert. This heightened consciousness might be the result of stopping her medicines and this resulted in some improvements such as responsiveness. If she was in a home I'm sure she would be given something to calm her resulting in the disturbing scene you sometimes see in Alzheimer's wards where the patient is quietly lying in bed on their back sleeping with their mouth wide open.

This situation is so sad. It is so hard to see my sister,who was always so strong, smart and independent, declining. But, I realize that I must accept her as she is now in this the moment and love her just as much, or maybe more, then ever. She is still my sister.

Lying on the bed with her it was easy for me to get into her world and respond just as if I was living her fantasy world as she was. I was in her zone. She was a great cook and always had delicious food for company. So from the comfort of her bed lying on her back she reached her hands high into the air working her fingers furiously in order to create a meal starting with hard boiled eggs for the company she knew was there. She wanted me to help. I right there helping her to prepare this imaginary meal. She wanted me to take the hard boiled eggs carefully from her hand and put them on the table next to me.

Next, she told me she wanted to buy green jeans so we got in the car and drove to the store. She decided she did not want to spend the money. Then, we went on a trip to Jacksonville, Oregon to a cabin she knew of. We had a little trouble finding parking.

Often, during the hours I spent next to her in bed, we were reliving past times when she was young and our parents were alive. We had an Ice Cream Business and she told me how busy she was ordering things and picking up deliveries. She often called out for our father who we all called "POP".

Other times she would see people standing in front of her that she didn't know. She'd comment that they looked sad, then said it's because they didn't have a job. She mentioned how skinny one of the girls looked. I would ask if she knew any of these people but she always answered no.

For the most part, we stayed in the past with only a few moments of clarity but the really important thing is that I was with her in her world. I was grateful to be able to share bits of her life as she is living it now. She knows how much she is loved and cherished and I am very grateful for the time I spent with her and I am looking forward to spending more time with her in her altered reality.