Did you ever feel you were on cloud 9 only to have someone turn it into a storm cloud by something they said to you? I admit, I am overly sensitive perhaps due to my early childhood difficulties I had in school. Yes, a learning difficulty and ADD contributed to my having a low self-esteem. Having these problems motivated me to try even harder to fit in. I would have loved to be popular, smart, and yes, charming. But, in reality, I was always the last one to finish a test and the last one to be picked for a team in PE. Not very charming!
These days those feelings of inadequacy seldom pop their insecure little heads, after all, I am happily married, mother of three children and a grandmother of two grandchildren. I studied hard and got my teaching credential and enjoy my work. I love to create clay sculptures and capture images on my camera. So now tell me why does it matter what someone thinks?
The last place I expected to hear a comment about my character was at my daughter's opera, three hours away from home. How weird that my daughter Sonia's elementary school teacher, from twenty four years, ago showed up backstage at the opera house!
After congratulating my daughter on her performance and appearance she continued by saying that said she would never forget me because I had left a"lasting Impression". Yikes! What did she mean by that? What did I do to deserve this rather dubious title? I had always tried hard to follow the advice of "Miss Manners" and be the "Perfect Lady", but it seems the harder I tried the more trouble I would get into! I just wanted to be charming!
I had a friend who looked like "Rebbecca of Sunny Brook Farm". I admired her beauty and charming ways. She was everything I aspired to be. She had beautiful, waist length hair, flawless complexion and a perfectly proportioned face. She was charming!
She would "Charm" everyone she'd meet. For example, one summer we went to an orchard to pick Bing cherries. They gave us boxes and told us where to find the ladders. As I struggled to haul the splintered ladder up to the tree I noticed there were several farm workers competing for my friend's attention. They were almost bending over backward in order to fill all her needs carrying her ladder and setting it in position. And add insult to injury, they were actually helping her pick cherries! They never even gave me a second look let alone the time of day! OH, to be so charming!
I was born into a very loving family where it was easy to charm them. Unconditional love is wonderful! Early on I realized the real world was not so kind or forgiving. I was and still am incredibly naive. I had difficulty understanding the teacher's directions so in second grade I was actually tested for retardation because my teacher was convinced that there was something wrong with me. After the results showed that I was actually intelligent, the teacher then thought I was just being defiant and definitely not charming!
Another time I was shocked to find out what I was labeled by the employees of a local restaurant. My son was five at the time and my older daughters were trying to locate me so I could pick them up at the high school. They called the restaurant I told them I'd be at. One of the employees asked for a description of who they were looking for. After their detailed description they quipped...."Oh, you mean "CRAZY POLLY"? Great, this is what I always strived for! Can you believe the indignity? Can you see why I tend to be on the defensive? What happened to "CHARMING POLLY"? And, I tried so hard to be charming!
Now that I'm older these doubts seem to have vanished for the most part. I realize that the dubious title that the restaurant gave me was more out of affection for my enthusiastic and unique personality.
I had a friend who looked like "Rebbecca of Sunny Brook Farm". I admired her beauty and charming ways. She was everything I aspired to be. She had beautiful, waist length hair, flawless complexion and a perfectly proportioned face. She was charming!
She would "Charm" everyone she'd meet. For example, one summer we went to an orchard to pick Bing cherries. They gave us boxes and told us where to find the ladders. As I struggled to haul the splintered ladder up to the tree I noticed there were several farm workers competing for my friend's attention. They were almost bending over backward in order to fill all her needs carrying her ladder and setting it in position. And add insult to injury, they were actually helping her pick cherries! They never even gave me a second look let alone the time of day! OH, to be so charming!
I was born into a very loving family where it was easy to charm them. Unconditional love is wonderful! Early on I realized the real world was not so kind or forgiving. I was and still am incredibly naive. I had difficulty understanding the teacher's directions so in second grade I was actually tested for retardation because my teacher was convinced that there was something wrong with me. After the results showed that I was actually intelligent, the teacher then thought I was just being defiant and definitely not charming!
Another time I was shocked to find out what I was labeled by the employees of a local restaurant. My son was five at the time and my older daughters were trying to locate me so I could pick them up at the high school. They called the restaurant I told them I'd be at. One of the employees asked for a description of who they were looking for. After their detailed description they quipped...."Oh, you mean "CRAZY POLLY"? Great, this is what I always strived for! Can you believe the indignity? Can you see why I tend to be on the defensive? What happened to "CHARMING POLLY"? And, I tried so hard to be charming!
Now that I'm older these doubts seem to have vanished for the most part. I realize that the dubious title that the restaurant gave me was more out of affection for my enthusiastic and unique personality.
In preparation for my daughter's opera yesterday I dressed up, make-up and all! I felt charming! I now was ready to meet the stars and maestro backstage. And it worked, I felt confident, pretty and classy! It looked as if this time I had actually charmed everyone I met backstage. Hey, it felt good! Did I actually really charm someone?
And then it happened....I was tapped on the shoulder and a familiar face greeted me by my name. Hello Mrs.........I remember you so well, you left a lasting impression! What did she mean by that statement! Trembling with fear I melted right there on the floor of the opera house! I felt all the color drain from my face! All my confident feelings left at that moment....so much for "Charm". All these childhood fears and inasdequencies came rushing back. Thank goodness this sad feeling was dispelled in a moment when she said that she remembered me being "Exuberant" and "Artistic".
And then it happened....I was tapped on the shoulder and a familiar face greeted me by my name. Hello Mrs.........I remember you so well, you left a lasting impression! What did she mean by that statement! Trembling with fear I melted right there on the floor of the opera house! I felt all the color drain from my face! All my confident feelings left at that moment....so much for "Charm". All these childhood fears and inasdequencies came rushing back. Thank goodness this sad feeling was dispelled in a moment when she said that she remembered me being "Exuberant" and "Artistic".
Who cares if I'm not the most charming guest at a party. I'm and enthusiastic about life. I love my life and that's all that matters. I can't be something I'm not but I can be true to my self. I love to create sculptures, and you'll never catch me without my camera. I also enjoy creating hearty home-cooked meals. I find gardening peaceful and canning food satisfying.
But, still lingering some where deep inside me is still a faint desire to be "Charming". Perhaps some where in the far future someone will see me walking down the street humped over and walking with a cane and then they will point and whisper to themselves...."Now there goes an artistic, elderly lady who is enthusiastic, artistic and also very charming."
